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“IT’S NOT CAKE IS IT””

I cried actual tears, a bit dramatic you may think but I was overwhelmed at the ludicrous offering in front of me………….just dried bread with cucumber and some grapes on the side! This is what happened when I had afternoon tea to celebrate a friends birthday. What was supposed to be a lovely birthday treat and relax for the birthday girl and her friends, turned into another dairy debacle. The grapes seemed to add insult to injury and summed up by EM “IT’S NOT CAKE IS IT”.

Prior to the celebration, I thought I had done enough preparation of ensuring my friend had informed the restaurant when she made the booking that there was a Dairy Free requirement. I phoned them the day before to reiterate and each time the staff were friendly and helpful reassuring us that they could cater for this. It would be fair to say that i was lulled into a false sense of security.

As we waited for the tier of delights to arrive all was merry and there was that pleasure of expectancy on my friends faces, duly heightened when their savory fancies and yummy cakes arrived. But then the DF offering was placed before me. I say placed but would describe it more as a dump and run from the poor waitress who was clearly embarrassed. Understandably as the dried bread and cucumber sandwiches looked even more pathetic next to their  dairy  filled counterparts. This is the difficult bit because not wanting to be the odd one out I thought “oh it will be fine I can eat that stuff” but no it would not end well in terms of  the pain and suffering.

Then begins  the drama and embarrassment of the complaint. The explaining of the pre checks that were made and that I would not have troubled them (read bothered / paid hard earned cash) if they could not cater for this simple dietary need.

 I’ll be honest that the tears shed were mainly in disappointment at not being able to get stuck into cake, but they were actually for the disruption to my friends and their enjoyment of the occasion. Whilst I discussed the issue with the manager and explained how disappointing it was, I was aware that my friends were sat there not knowing whether to start, had they offered me enough sympathy? Was it ok for them to tuck in? Did they need to pour me more tea to help make me feel better?  There was an air of relief that it was only tears and not a full on rage of upturning the table and storming out!
Having an allergy / food intolerance singles you out and not in a good way. It feels attention seeking that you need to declare your food problem or  that you have to order something ‘special’. Not to mention the disruption of pre-planning, checking if certain dishes do contain any dairy, asking if they can alter them. If they get it wrong, your correct meal arrives late and then your fellow diners have already finished and everyone seems to be watching you eat.
This is not only an issue when eating out but scenarios such as at work. It’s not so bad if it’s a pre ordered meal or buffet where you can privately explain the issue and check that there are options for you to eat. However when you’re working late and the boss orders is take away for everyone but it’s not dairy friendly so you sit quietly whilst everyone is eating away sipping on the out of date cup a soup you found in your desk.
On a recent occasion at a training day, I was highly embarrassed when I  scoffed the  special plate of DF food only to witness new staff member complaining that they had not been catered for, I didn’t know he was DF . The fact that there were two pieces of cake should have made me think that maybe I should be sharing the platter of food, it was quite embarrassing when I was publicly outed for eating all the cake.
Although it is a faff and we all have better things to be doing some prep and consideration really does help in these situations. Check venues online menu’s, call ahead and politely discuss options…….I’d recommend another call the day before just to remind them. Be encouraged that many places are getting better in their awareness  DF issues and catering for them.
When visiting family & friends for meals you have to be more forgiving and accepting of the culinary delights on offer.  Always offer to bring your own butter, milk DF substitutes, dessert etc. and reassure them not to go too lots of extra trouble, unless it’s your birthday then clearly that’s ok. Just don’t be that awkward annoying person that expects their friends not to order dessert or choose the cheese & onion crisps as well as the DF ones just to please you that’s not cool. When complaining to staff about their error be polite about it, likely it’s not their fault and they will want to rectify things for you. I highly recommend that you never upturn tables and storm out.
In the case of my friends birthday celebration they gave her a special slice of birthday cake and for me a glass of fizz. It was really tasty, crisp, fresh, lovely fizz, but the birthday girl deserved it more than me for being so good about the DF debacle.